In my defense, I was at the chiropractor a lot, and then a physical therapist, and a doctor, and dislocated my shoulder, and went on some vacations. I was also trying out this empowering new attitude of loving thy self, for all thine flaws. Since I'm practically perfect in every way (PPEW), I had to create some flaws (lol) so I stopped exercising and got kind of a belly again and tried to stop focusing on fitness so much, and for the sake of my body working in the long term, tried to focus less on physical challenges and more on appreciating the gentler side of things. I did go hiking in New Mexico in October and then again in April/May, climbing mountains and enjoying fresh air and the feeling that one's body can do both everything and nothing.
I should have blogged then, but I was convinced it would turn my trip into a travel excursion, turning this place I love and dream of nightly into just another destination, just another place to conquer, like a mountain itself.
I probably gained some weight and it didn't bother me. Then I was stressed out and probably lost some weight and it didn't bother me either, though I was concerned about the stress. I quit my job. I went to Rhode Island where I walked around Providence searching for a magazine I'm now convinced doesn't actually exist. I'm freelancing and hanging posters for a living, and will hopefully get to the gym every day that I don't go mountain biking, and hopefully I'm not in the gym too regularly.
I went riding in Frick Park yesterday and for having been away from my mountain bike for a month, I handled the switchback better than I ever have, and I rode up some steep ascents I previously couldn't clear (and rode down some as well).
I think a lot when I'm riding trails how mountain biking teaches me so much about myself, which is why I think I need to ride more. I'm going to put it all down soon, once I can collect all the data. But a big thing I remembered is the need to look ahead, to do so with only limited fear, and to trust myself as I continue forward. To look where I want to be, rather than where I feel I am, or where I fear I'm headed. So all those switchbacks I cleared, I finally decided that, just like in life, I need to look at the point at the end of the curve, where I will end up after I succeed, and trust that if I keep upright, I'll make it.
I received a fairly nasty letter from an editor last week that I keep harping on with friends, trying to figure out where I went wrong. I think I know the answer now, but the main point is that I keep moving, keep looking beyond the curve, keep pedaling and focus on the clearance at the top of the climb. It's important to know why we dab our feet, why we get suddenly knocked off the trail (which also happened, and which - just like the letter from the editor - is fine and I'm no worse for the wear), but we can't keep looking at that spot, and we can ruminate over where we are on the trail now, or else we'll never be able to move forward with momentum.
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