Can't win 'em all: oatmeal edition

I don't think this story is exactly what that xoJane column is looking for, but: it happened to me. I subscribe to Vega's various e-newsletters, one of which has recipes for different vegan power meals, usually breakfasts. A lot of them are just interesting takes on a smoothie, many of which I already "sort of" do, but last week was a recipe for slow cooker pumpkin oatmeal, and it turned out that I had all the ingredients already in house. Since it didn't quite work out as intended, I won't post the recipe, but you can certainly see it here if you'd like to give it a shot.

I'm thinking now that maybe there was a typo. I certainly should have used my common sense in thinking to modify the 1:4 ratio of oats to water. But I was making them at 1 a.m., as I am oft to do, and wasn't really at my prime. As you may have seen from the photo, these oats look INCREDIBLE. They are in adorable cups, and topped with walnuts, and the lighting is beautiful.

The night I made them, I had an awkward dream that amounted to sitting at my friends' house, who'd just broken up, staring at them as they sat on opposite sides of their couch, and watched the sun set between them out the window. Very long, dull, awkward dream segment. But when I woke up, I immediately remembered the breakfast waiting for me -- put your kitchen to work while you sleep! The Vega post cajoled -- though I was a little confused by the specific lack of warm pumpkiny smell coming from down stairs.

I won't post pictures, because they would make you want to just drive to McDonald's and purchase the least food-like substance available, so safe. The edges of the crock pot were burnt, and there was scummy looking brown water capped with what could have been a kombucha mother, had science failed me. The burnt edges were surprising, considering there was so much water still in the pot. The bottom was also burnt, and there was an oat paste about an inch thick.

I didn't even know what to do with it, it was such a mess. So I did what comes most naturally to me, I let it sit on the counter all day and occasionally looked at it and frowned, and maybe gave it a stir or two. Then a miracle occurred: It became food again. Just like Jesus rising from the dead and exiting the cave, so too were my oats. They were pretty bland for how much flavoring I put in, and a little gooey, but they had absorbed the water and looked edible!

I did what any disgusting human who really didn't want to throw about about $5 worth of oats, pumpkin, and spices would do, I heated some up in the microwave, poured some Vega  all-in-one powder on it, and topped it with a ton of almond milk, some roasted flax seeds, and some chia seeds.

And, I'm not gonna lie. It was pretty decent. I won't make this recipe again, at least not without some serious modification (though I'll post the modified recipe if it works out better).