I Skipped My Date With Tony To Buy A Yoga Mat

So, I'm new to this stuff. Not just P90X but even the whole idea of having a DVD telling me what to do and when and in my own house...and now writing about it. I wouldn't call myself athletic but I think of myself as fit (like physically active not like sexy). For instance, I don't have a car and my bike was stolen so I walk a lot (and I take the bus and I solicit car rides from loved ones, of course). I play both racquetball and volleyball at least once a week, usually lift weights twice a week, and I used to be pretty fair at bicycling. I used to be more of a cardio-goer until my friend, Mean Justin (Carolyne knows him as Mean Justin...not because he's really mean but because he pretends to be mean and he thinks he's funny while he's doing it), dedicated himself to mentoring me while I become fully acquainted with the lifting world at the gym. I'm 6'1" and recently, I've been weighing in at about 177lbs. For me, this is an accomplishment because I had weighed 165 for many years. I took a picture of my bare torso on day 1 of P90X and if I show improvement I might just post it with the 'results' version pic at the end--if that is, I make it that far.

Although I couldn't do everything the P90Xers were doing and definitely not as fast or as accurate, I felt like I did okay the first day with Carolyne. Truthfully, I wasn't so great at Ab Ripper and at one point I unintentionally farted; it could have been embarrassing but Carolyne helped me laugh about it. The second day was Plyometrics which I really liked but it was hard negotiating a chandelier and a china cupboard which rattled and bounced loudly with every jump while my roommate slept unsoundly upstairs. Yoga was awesome and unexpectedly kicked my butt a little bit. I've attended a few Yoga classes but this was more intense. It may have been because the cats in my house thought it was cuddle hour and would plant themselves under my arched and contorted form every chance they could get. Also, I didn't have a yoga mat and was using a plush rug with floral print and chunks of cat fur. It slid around a bunch and was surprisingly uncomfortable.

I'm trying out this P90X thing with Carolyne because I'm doing Tough Mudder at the end of April and I'm kind of nervous about it. If Tony Horton can't whip me into shape, I don't know who can. I think the hardest part for me will be consuming a lot of beneficial/healthy calories. I allow not having a car to channel me into making bad dietary decisions. I've never been on a diet nor have I ever felt the need. I don't know how to eat well for an extended period of time. Since I've started lifting, I've been drinking whey protein 'shakes.' Long ago, I gave away all the plastic in my kitchen. I shake my protein drink in a mason jar. When I do this at the gym, Mean Justin makes fun of me. Some days, he forgets his shake bottle and he asks to use my mason jar. Secretly, I think he does it on purpose cuz it's way cooler than using those crappy, plastic ones.

Mean Justin and I did chest and triceps at the gym this morning so I skipped my date with Tony and will move onto Legs & Back tomorrow.

The return of the X

Last night, Neal (who will be writing with us soon) and I did our first P90X workout. It was interesting to do it with someone else, negotiating space and humility and all that. Plus, Neal's pull-up bar is upstairs and the space cleared for push-ups was downstairs, so there was a lot of running up and down stairs, which of course means lots of giggles. And I love giggling! It was really fun to have someone else there collapsing during the second round of push-ups with me to let me know I'm not a total weakling and this is in fact pretty hard. It was also fun to have someone to talk and joke with to help pass the time.

One thing I noticed was that the pull-ups were significantly easier than when I did it last time. Which I attribute to the bouldering Jayme and I have been doing. I still use the chair, but I can really pump them out this time, which makes it a lot more fun. My push-ups are also better, but not by much probably. At least by the second half of the workout, I was collapsing after just a few.

Another thing I noticed, much to my shagrin, is that my abs are, like, really weak compared to how I remember them being. I used to be able to do Ab Ripper X with complete ease, barely breaking a sweat and certainly without stopping or shaking. I even had memorized it so well that I could do it at the gym without the dvd prompting me, and I would even do it twice and I was an animal and all the land under the sun was mine. Now I couldn't even do the Mason Ball exercise at the end without just tipping over. TO BE FAIR, I do have a tail bone injury and it's hard for me to balance on my tailbone like that, but really, man, it hurt, like, a lot. So I'm really motivated now to get in shape and be able to do Ab Ripper X with the same finesse I had six months ago. Today is Plyometrics, which is my favorite because it's basically a bunch of jumping around and punching the air. I also am supposed to (be able to) go Bouldering tonight with Jayme, but we'll take it all slow.

I was honestly a bit apprehensive about starting P90X again, whether I really wanted to do it because being lazy and a bit, you know, soft has been working out really well for me lately. But as soon as I saw Tony Horton's beautiful face and heard that awful techno music, I was back in.

I don't think I had this blog a few winters ago when I finally went on my first mountain bike ride in the snow with my friend Mike aka Dingle (we can only call him that because he's literally a rocket scientist). We rode Hartwood Acres, generally speaking my favorite park to ride bikes offroad in the greater Pittsburgh Area. Friends at Dirt Rag Magazine and Bicycle Times are responsible for carving out a good number of the single track (if not all of it, and certainly for marking them all and mapping them all out, a wonderful feature. We thought it'd be a good idea, there was certainly plenty of snow that winter. But there was, like, too much. It was the year I got really into hiking in snowstorms. It was actually more funny than anything, and definitely considered "riding" rather than you know, just riding (the quotation marks are the key, there). Anyway, the point is, it snowed this weekend, finally, after a winter of 38 degree days of gloom and rain or gloom and dry, freeze-thaw and endless mud and ice. It snowed and I rode in it.

And. It. Was. Awesome. I took it a bit cautious, not wanting to break a limb on my first ride in the woods in months, and mainly did hill repeats. I bumped into my friend Jordan and chased him around until he noticed me, and we made tentative plans to ride actual single track on Monday morning before work (this was Sunday). Yeah, well, Monday was like 40 degrees and the snow's all gone and today it rained so there was my winter riding wonderland. More importantly, though, I'm not scared about riding in the snow. Commuting in the snow, there's a lot of ice patches and puddles, and if you slide and crash you can get hit by a car and typically fall right onto pavement, which I'm used to and don't *mind* per se but like to avoid. For Valentine's Day, E. switched over my break pads on my single speed, which is a great bike for riding in the woods, so maybe now that I can stop I'll actually take it more places than to work. Speaking of which, though, I made some strawberry chocolate mousse and we have a big bottle of beer to share waiting down stairs and both volumes of Kill Bill* to watch, to get me pumped for P90X, which starts Thursday. I will report back, obviously. Rock climbing resumes on Friday.


I think we're probably going to watch Princess Bride, sshhhh...There's still fighting in that, though!

So we might push P90X-travaganza back a few days because Neal has a family emergency. Also, I gave him my DVDs because I have the files on my external harddrive, but I can't seem to locate the program needed to burn (or rip? I get those confused) said files onto DVDs myself. Any suggestions?

In the meantime, I did weigh myself this morning, something I've been avoiding as of late since I've been sorta kinda binge eating. I think it has something to do with getting my period for the first time in about 3 years (don't worry, it's cool). I spent all of yesterday essentially eating candy and ice cream and pizza (which is, sadly, all gone now). E. and I went to the movies last night to see Midnight in Paris at the dollar theatre after Rock Climbing (more on that in a moment). I got a container of apple slices with peanut butter, but I also got Milk Duds and Jolly Rancher Gummies, so.... Anyway, I weighted myself this morning as I said I would, and I am back down to 150. Which means that I've lost 6 pounds in the past 3 weeks or so, by not really doing all that much (remember I've been taking it easy with the yoga, by my standards, because of the shoulder, and have only been out running a few times because it's not really that nice outside, and whatever other excuses I've been feeding you here) and have eating tons of crap food AND tons of good food, which really just means a shit-ton of food.

I suppose if I go to yoga once a week, and go rock climbing once a week, and go for a run once a week, and commute to work by bike 4 days a week, then that's not as bad as I make it out to be. It seems like not that much because I am a powerhouse of energy that doesn't feel satisfied unless I am absolutely killing it in every imaginable sense. But still...6 pounds? I guess the moral of the story is to not give a damn and just like a tea kettle, a watched scale never levels out.

Anyway, so bouldering has been awesome. Yesterday Jayme and I climbed for almost 2 hours, until she tore a big hole in her pinky. The great thing is that every week we are both better. She used to be a really awesome climber back in Colorado, but lucky for me she has been off the wagon for a while. She's really lightweight and has a lot of skill but is just regaining her strength. I am mediumweight (there abouts) and am really strong and have no skill, but need my weight and my strength to balance out so I can get better at the upsidedown hangs and stuff, and my skill is getting better as we go forward just like Jayme's arms are visibly bigger each time we meet. It's really awesome.

So yesterday, it was all new patterns and unlike weeks past, we both were able to climb everything we tried within a couple efforts. Jayme usually could eventually figure it out, even if we had to come back another day, but this time we were both flying up those walls. Even better was that we were attempting harder patterns, lots of upsidedown stuff, walls that are at a negative angle or multiple angles, ankle hooks, and more. Whoo, man this stuff is really fun. I'm hooked. I think bouldering is my official sport of 2012. Which is good, because my sport of 2013 is going to be graffiti so it's good that I'll be proficient at climbing stuff (just kidding, moms and police of the world). Seriously, though, when I break the $40k $20k/year mark, I will buy a month pass to that gym and the next time you see me you'll be all, girl.....eww your arms are like all veiny and stuff.


On a final note that has little to do with lifting weights but a lot to do with midnight, my wonderful husband and I have been watching some movies this week, partially because we don't have much expendable cash and partially (tangentially) because we don't want to go to the bar every time we want to "do something" (that's, you know, not marital). The other day we watched Scott Pilgrim Vs. the World, which is an awesome sort of super hero movie that includes a young woman who moves to town from New York because she just couldn't handle New York anymore, who has a bunch of evil exes (no offense) who were all in bands, and who acts without abandon. Funny.

Last night we went to see Midnight in Paris, about a writer who travels back in time to what he perceives as the Golden Age of culture, 1920s Paris (but, like, the Surrealists and American ex-pats, obviously). It had this woman in it who I've been told looks like me - that's right, Marion Cotillard, YOU look like ME, hah! - I spent most of the movie trying to see it (it's in the eyes and cheeks? supposedly?), and sure, standing next to Ernest Hemingway, I suppose I can see it. Though it'd be more accurate if she were putting that cigarette out on his cheek (damn you Hemingway and your vast pronouncements about humanity, you old drunk) (love ya pal). Maybe after I do P90X all the way through and am emaciated, I will look like her. This is also an incentive to not let my hair grow out and dye it like Drew Barrymore. The world needs more faces and hair that can only be appropriate in the 1920s, and I'll be that martyr, if necessary. Also, one last comment about this movie that is becoming increasingly inappropriate for this blog: Kathy Bates as Gertrude Stein was absolutely a perfect casting decision. No one else could have done that role. She was perfect, if not a bit kind.

Back on the wagon...THE TONY HORTON WAGON!

So the other day I had to pick something up at the drug store, and while I was there I bought some requisite Valentine's day boxers for E, and some requisite Hersey Kisses for the both of us (me). It's amazing how the first time after a while of not having Hersey's milk chocolate it tastes waxy and alost rancid, but after about 20 or so, they taste delicious and sweet-smooth. I just had to break that barrier. Needless to say, I woke up this morning and said, I gotta go for a run. I took the dog with me, which I always swear I'll never do again, because he hates it and is completely uncooperative, no matter how excited he gets when he sees his harness and my running shoes. All he wants to do is pee on everything and kick dirt around. But today he was great! We kept at a good pace for the most part and I let him pee on all his favorite things to pee on like the trash cans, one of the many big rocks (he would love to spend all day claiming each of them as his own, but I got a heartrate to contend with), and a few other important neighborhood installments. Other than that, he kept pace, didn't bark and the dogs in the park, and we got in a good 2.5 miles or so in about 20 minutes. Not bad considering it was the pre-run workout, we are both lazy, and there were ample distractions. I stopped short of entering the woods, because once we're in there, I want to run for much longer than we have time for, and he wants to pee on much more than, well, than we have time for.

Unfortunately, I probably only burned about 2 Hersey Kisses worth of calories (I haven't dared look at the nutritional value on the bag). It's a good thing I look so damn sexy already I don't need to worry about it, hey-o!

Also, speaking of looking sexy, my friend Neal came over the other day to borrow the P90X dvds (and also to eat gluten free dairy free protein WAFFLES with antioxidant berries and flax meal...message me for the recipe, they were really, surprisingly good). I had seen a snippet of an infomercial for the new P90X-2 that has been modified to include stability ball training and some other Pilates-style exercises, and have since been doing push-ups on the stability ball in addition the pull-ups I've been doing again to aid in my rock climbing skills. I've also been thinking about the program, about guru Horton, and where I'm at not so much on a fitness level but on a motivational level. SO put this together with Neal coming by to borrow the DVDs, and Alyssa reminding me, also at waffles, that she still had my P90X nutritional book but was almost done with it, and I decided to start up again. Not only that, but I invited Neal to be a co-blogger with me. I am not sure how I am going to do the P90X, since I want to make sure I get in rock climbing at least once a week still, and also time and energy for yoga once my shoulder issues are figured out (I've been practicing here and there, but am wary at this point of downward dog-heavy practices).

We are starting on Friday. This time, I want to do it right and disclose my measurements and some sassy poses of me flexing and I'm going to encourage Neal to do the same since he's never done this before. He currently plays volleyball and used to play a lot of kickball, plus he goes to the gym (or at least used to?). He's training for the Tough Mudder race, which is legitimately awesome, so he's going to need more than volleyball to get himself through that course (which is in no offense to Neal, I mean are you watching that video on their website? Insane! So much muddy, bloody, freezing-water fun!).

climbing the caged ring of your heart

I'm not sure if I've complained on here about it or not (because I've surely complained everywhere else in my life) but my shoulder's been bugging me a lot. The thing that really bothers me is that it's just the one shoulder. I'm pretty symmetrical. I'm left handed, and it's my left shoulder, but I don't really do anything explicitly left handed, since I type with both hands, ride a bike with both hands (or no hands, yay!), drive with both hands most of the time like a hunched up old person unsure if that's a cat in the road or a haunting ghost from my past, and when I eat it's typically in some zone of disconnect and I don't really know how the food gets in my mouth, it just does, and often. This shoulder thing bothers me because it's just the one shoulder and I'm not sure how that's happened, and because it's a stabbing pain, and feels like I'm being burned by a hot, sharp pick, and my shoulder has swollen not to the point where it's visible, but to the point where I can feel it laying on my back or leaning against a wall (with one foot against the wall, my jacket coller popped, and a cigarette, clearly). And now, it's gotten so bad that my mouth also bothers me on the left side, and I can't open my mouth wide enough to comfortably consume the aforementioned food in such ravenous whimsy. When I do try to open my mouth, there's this awful crunching noise in my ear, and then my mouth just can't go any further. It really, you know, sucks. AND, get this, my left gluteus maximus is also really bumming me out (get it?) and it hurts when I do things like get off the couch. Which means I can either never sit again, or never stand again. And choosing has always been a weakness of mine. </end rant>

But anyway, I went to Bikram the other night because a) I wanted to spend some quality time with E. that didn't involve watching the Daily Show or eating at Mad Mex, b) I wanted to go to yoga and sweat out some toxins, and c) with my shoulder bothering me so much I didn't want to go to my usual power vinyasa class where I would inevitably spend a combined half hour or so in downward dog, shoulder stand, or other position that is just not helpful at the moment. Plus my elbows are still swollen. To be honest, I partially blame Bikram for exasperating my butt cramp, which is an injury that comes and goes (not from the fall, that was on the right side) but most certainly made an appearance about half way through my practice. I also got chastised a bit for drinking water, because apparently I'm supposed to just be drinking water all the time and not get thirsty, or else "breathe through it" (yeah right). I know that drinking water when I'm sweating so much doesn't actually hydrate me, but placebos have cured all kinds of things, lady, so get off my back.

After yoga, I told E. not to laugh at me, but I was really thinking I needed to take it easy for a while. he didn't laugh at me, great man that he is. However I went rock climbing the next day (yesterday) and had a wonderful time and this morning, groaning through my only partially open mouth and rubbing my shoulder while limping into the kitchen, I announced that I wasn't sure if I should go to yoga tonight because I'm trying to take it easy. Then the laughter came, which was fair and expected, really. But I gotta tell you, Ladies Night at The Climbing Wall was amazing. I made friends, I learned new stuff, I climbed new patterns and tried new positions, and really had a wonderful time. J. and I climbed for about 2 hours, and about halfway through another friend showed up and brought 3 other women with her. It kicked butt. We took over "the cave" which is where a lot of the upsidedown climbing happens, and I got really pissy at these two guys who tried to shoulder J. and I out of this one pattern we were trying to learn. The worst part was that they couldn't even do what they were attempting, and weren't even really trying, they were just jumping in there and being all muscly about it, which I really can't stand. R.E.S.P.E.C.T. 

So I don't know if I'll go to power vinyasa yoga tonight. I would like to, but I also know that I really do need to calm down a bit and stop being so active. Maybe practice the bass tonight. I've been trying to learn Boris the Spider by The Who. It's supposed to be a song for beginners, but being a beginner I find it pretty challenging to get it all together and at a good speed. Here's the tutorial clip I've been using. This guy also taught me how to play Cannonball by The Breeders and Can't Touch This by MC Hammer (aka Super Freak by Rick James).

So anyway, if any ladies/women/gals/dames/broads out there would like to come climbing next Wednesday with us in Pittsburgh, we meet at 7 p.m. at The Climbing Wall, and it's only $6, a serious bargain. Also, any guys who want to climb for the same great discounted price, if you wear a sports bra over your shirt you also get the same deal. I'll throw it out there, there were a lot of guys climbing last night, a lot of them non-members, and none of them wore sports bras. Babies.